


Unconditionally

by Finduilas



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Evan "Buck" Buckley has a big heart, First Kiss, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Evan "Buck" Buckley, M/M, Team as Family, Worried Eddie Diaz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:40:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29659788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finduilas/pseuds/Finduilas
Summary: Eddie doesn’t exactly realize it at first. He probably doesn’t see the full scope of it anyway. Not to mention that helping people is literally what they do for a living. So it’s not like it’s that unusual anyway.Buck helps people, it’s what he does.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 76
Kudos: 702





	Unconditionally

**Author's Note:**

> I started watching 9-1-1 and I couldn't stop. I fell in love, especially with these two. First fic in this fandom but probably not the last. I fell hard, you guys. ;) 
> 
> Many thanks to Gemma for the beta. And thanks to Morgan and Gemma for fueling my growing obsession.

Eddie doesn’t exactly realize it at first. He probably doesn’t see the full scope of it anyway. Not to mention that helping people is literally what they do for a living. So it’s not like it’s that unusual anyway. 

Buck helps people, it’s what he does. He goes out of his way to help people, to be there for people and Eddie -  _ and _ Christopher - have been on the receiving end of that more than once. There are days when Eddie doesn’t really know what he’d do without Buck, to be honest. But for what is maybe the first time in his life he doesn’t constantly worry about it. 

Eddie has left before. Then Shannon left. Then Shannon left again. Somehow - even though it defies all logic - Eddie isn’t worried that Buck is going to leave. 

The thing is, sometimes it looks like Buck is worried everyone around him is going to leave him instead and Eddie wonders how anyone on earth would ever want to leave Buck? 

“I got you, it’s okay,” Buck says to a teenager who’s scared out of her mind as they’re wheeling her out of a collapsed building, his voice reassuring, a lifeline for the girl that she clearly hangs on to. It’s so  _ Buck _ that Eddie doesn’t even question it. 

“I’m here,” Buck says to Hen as he grips her by the vest and pulls her away from the crumbling soil beneath her, “I’m here.” Hen grabs onto Buck just as tightly. They’re able to haul ass out of there before the whole hillside caves out. 

“I got it,” Buck says as he shoots forward, placing steady hands under the stack of plates that was threatening to fall out of Chimney’s hands as he sets the table for another one of Bobby’s delicious meals. Eddie can’t help the soft smile he throws their way. It’s become inevitable by now when Eddie looks at Buck. 

***

It’s the end of their shift, a particularly long and draining one, and Eddie finds himself in the locker room next to Buck. Eddie is already buttoning up his clean shirt as Buck just sits on the bench, staring at his locker with glassy eyes. 

“You okay, man?” Eddie asks, shooting Buck a concerned look. They all went above and beyond today. 

“Yeah,” Buck says, a dopey smile aimed reassuringly Eddie’s way as he gets up off the bench and opens his locker, “Just tired.” 

“Yeah,” Eddie sighs, he can feel the ache and the exhaustion in his bones as well. He’s glad the shift is done. “You know what I’m gonna do? Take a nice hot bath.” 

“ _ Oooooh _ ,” Buck all but groans, like Eddie just gave him the idea of a lifetime. 

“Just make sure you don't fall asleep in the tub,” Eddie says, only half joking, because Buck looks about dead on his feet. He’s considering making the suggestion to drop Buck off at his place himself - he doesn’t know how he feels about Buck driving in this state of exhaustion - when there’s a ringing going off in Buck’s pocket. 

Buck groans as he fishes his phone out of his pocket, but puts on a cheerful voice when he answers, “Hey Maddie.” 

Eddie can’t hear what Maddie is saying on the other end of the line, just sees Buck squint for a second before taking a deep breath and going, “Yeah, sure, no problem.” Another beat of silence. “Of course, I got this. Text me the address. I’ll be there in like… half an hour.” 

Eddie quirks an eyebrow as Buck hangs up the phone, puts it down in his open locker and starts shrugging off his suspenders. 

“Weren’t you going home and taking a bath?” Eddie asks carefully. 

“Guess the bath is going to have to wait,” Buck says with a smile that Eddie can tell is far from genuine, “And so is the bed.” 

“Buck…” Eddie starts. 

“She’s pregnant, Eddie,” Buck says, as if that explains everything, “What am I gonna do? Say no?” 

“Well, it depends what she’s asking for, but…” Eddie says. 

“She saw this fancy stroller on one of those give-away groups on Facebook,” Buck says, picking up the pace as he changes into his civilian clothes. “She contacted the mom, who put it aside for her. Have to go pick it up and drop it at Maddie’s, since Chimney is still on shift.” 

“And that can’t wait? Like for when you haven’t just finished the shift from hell?” Eddie asks with a frown. 

“It’s not a problem, Eddie,” Buck says reassuringly, beaming one of his big smiles at Eddie, but it’s not enough to let go of the knot inside of Eddie’s stomach. 

“You know what,” Eddie says, trying to muster up casual because he knows that will be the only way to get Buck to accept, “Why don’t I go pick it up for you, huh? Just give me the address and I’ll swing by. I can’t go to bed right away anyway, have to go pick up Christopher from school and drop him off at my abuela’s first.” 

There’s an emotion flitting over Buck’s face for a second, like he can’t quite believe Eddie would do that for him, but then he’s shaking his head, “Nah man, can’t ask you to do that. But hey, while I’m out and about anyway, do you want me to go pick up Chris? That way one of us can go home and get some rest, huh?” 

Eddie’s throat clicks. “Are you serious right now?” 

“What?” Buck asks innocently, picking up his phone again and closing his locker. 

“You know that it’s okay to say no to people, right?” Eddie asks, softly. 

“What are you talking about?” Buck asks, shaking his head with a confused smile. 

“When people ask you for a favor, it’s okay to say ‘no’, or ‘not right now’,” Eddie says, pointedly. 

“Sure,” Buck says, but it feels like a brush-off. He checks the time on his phone. “So, yes or no on the Christopher thing? Because I really have to get going.” 

“ _ No _ , Buck…” Eddie lets out a breath, “I’ll take care of him, I just think - ” 

“Okay, no problem,” Buck says with a smile, hauling his backpack over his shoulder, “Give him a big hug for me, alright?” 

“Of course,” Eddie says, and before he knows it Buck is out the door and Eddie is left with a whole lot of things to think about. 

***

When Eddie starts to pay attention to it, it all seems so obvious. Buck never says no when someone asks him to do something. Buck is always the first to offer up his kindness, his help, his time. Eddie always figured that was simply because Buck likes doing it. He feels good when he is useful. He feels seen when he is needed. He feels happy when he is doing things for the people that he loves. There’s nothing wrong with it, Buck is quite simply a  _ good  _ person. 

The thing is, while Eddie is sure that Buck likes doing all those things most of the time, Eddie is becoming aware that there are times where Buck would certainly like to be doing something else. Like sit down for a second or sleep or do something for  _ himself _ for once. But Eddie has never once seen him say no to anybody. Eddie has never once seen him stay seated on the couch when Bobby gave even the slightest hint of being able to use an extra hand in the kitchen. Or hang back when Eddie could use some help with Christopher. 

So when Eddie calls Buck and invites him over for dinner that evening, he isn’t at all surprised when Buck asks, “Yeah, sure. Want me to pick something up on the way? Or I can go to the grocery store, fix us up something - ?”

“Buck!” Eddie interrupts with a smile, “I’ve got it all taken care of, okay? I’m inviting you over to eat dinner, not for you to cook for us.” 

“Oh,” Buck says, like the thought hadn’t even occurred to him, “Okay, that’s - that’s nice.” 

“I have my moments,” Eddie jokes, and he hears a little puff of laughter in return. 

By the time Buck arrives, Eddie has already made most of the preparations for dinner, and desert is safely stowed away in the fridge, out of Christopher’s sight. Buck steps past Eddie with a friendly pat on the shoulder as he immediately makes his way over to his son who is sitting on the couch and engulfs him in a big hug. 

“Buck!” Christopher smiles broadly, wrapping his arms around Buck’s neck. 

“My man!” Buck says enthusiastically, lifting Christopher up off the couch, “How are you doing?” 

“Daddy’s making Moussaka!” Christopher calls out excited. 

“He is?” Buck asks, gently lowering the child back on the couch and giving Eddie a surprised smile, “Isn’t that a whole lot of work?” 

Eddie just shrugs, wiping his hands on the towel he’s got slung over his shoulder. 

“Buck, you wanna play video games with me?” Christopher asks, pointing towards the controllers. 

“Hang on a second, bud,” Buck says, making his way over to Eddie, “I’m gonna see if your dad needs some help in the kitchen first.” 

“Nope,” Eddie says, placing both hands on Buck’s shoulders and turning him back around, “You just sit down and relax. Want a beer?” 

Buck quirks an eyebrow at him. “Yeah, sure,” he says, “But - ”

“No buts,” Eddie says, giving Buck a little nudge, “I’ve got everything under control. Oh, and by the way, it’s totally okay if you  _ don’t _ want to play video games, alright?” He gives Christopher a poignant look. “It’s not because this one asks…” 

“Aww, but who can say no to this face?” Buck asks with a grin, framing his hand underneath Christopher’s chin. 

“You give him a finger, he’ll take an arm,” Eddie laughs and it makes Christopher giggle because he knows exactly the effect he has on both adults present. 

“I don’t mind giving both my arms for this guy here,” Buck says, smiling broadly as he swings his arms around Christopher’s little frame, provoking a squeal of utter delight out of the boy. 

Eddie shakes his head fondly. 

“But Dad!” Christopher calls out, “Buck loves playing video games.” 

“Yeah  _ Dad _ ,” Buck says teasingly, his voice high and playful, “I do, I do. Can I, please?” 

Eddie shakes his head again with a smile, turning back towards the kitchen. “What am I gonna do with the both of you?” 

There’s just laughter in response, as both boys - big and small - are reaching for the controllers. 

***

“Right, lets see what we can salvage here,” Bobby says as he looks over the pots and pans that were taken haphazardly off the stove and left to their own devices when the call came in. 

“Do you ever wonder if people just  _ know _ we’re about to eat when they call 911?” Chimney asks as he plops down on the couch with a groan. 

“Yes Chim,” Hen says, deadpan, “Because you eating your dinner is exactly what people think about in the worst moment of their lives.” 

“It’s all Chimney ever thinks about,” Buck jokes as rolls up his sleeves and joins Bobby at the counter. 

“No, no,” Eddie says, putting his hands on Buck’s upper arms and turning him away from the kitchen, “I’ll help out with the food. You go and elevate that foot.” 

“I’m fine,” Buck says with a confused frown, and to be fair, Buck probably is. He only mildly twisted it when taking a wrong step on the call and shook it off just as quickly. But it’s as good an excuse as any for Eddie to get Buck to take a break. 

“Bobby?” Eddie seeks support, giving his boss a stern look. 

Bobby blinks at Eddie a few times before catching on and nodding, “Yeah, he’s right, Buck. Better safe than sorry.” 

“But Hen gave me the all clear!” Buck protests as he’s gently being pushed out of the kitchen area. 

“Who’s questioning Hen’s abilities now?” Hen asks with a dangerous look on her face. 

“See,” Buck says in victory, slipping out of Eddie’s touch with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“ _ Bobby _ ,” Eddie says pointedly, a final effort to get Buck to step down for once. 

“Listen to Eddie, Buck,” Bobby says almost absentmindedly, already stirring in his pots again, “I don’t need you here.” 

There’s a beat of silence before Buck utters, “ _ Oh. _ ” Eddie can see his face fall, but anything he will say will result in Buck doing more work -  _ again _ \- so he says nothing as Buck shuffles out of the kitchen area. 

***

“You asked Carla?” Buck says, his face stuck somewhere between surprised and confused. 

“Yeah, I couldn’t reschedule the thing at the bank, so,” Eddie shrugs, glancing out the window of the moving truck. 

“Yeah, but - ” Buck starts, somewhat hesitant.

“And I didn’t want Chris to have to stay in after school care for that long, you know?” Eddie goes on, his voice a little bit raised so that Buck can hear him over the blaring of the sirens. 

“Yeah, no, I get that,” Buck says, nodding, “It’s just… you could have asked me, you know?” 

Of course Eddie could have. Buck would probably have dropped everything and taken Christopher to the fair, or for ice cream, or any of the things he usually does without even a moment’s hesitation. Whether it would have come at a good time for him or not. 

“It’s cool,” Eddie says, trying not to make a big deal about it, “Carla was free, and you know how much Chris loves her.” 

“Yeah…” Buck says, his eyes cast down at the floor of the truck. 

“Hey!” Eddie says, reaching out to put a hand on Buck’s arm. “I just didn’t want to bother you, okay?” 

“Yeah, no, of course,” Buck says, shaking his head quickly. The smile on his face doesn’t reach his eyes. 

“Buck - ” Eddie says, but then they reach their destination - the site of the multiple car pile up - and Buck is out of the fire truck before Eddie can say anything else. 

Bobby assigns them the same task and they work together in unison, a well-oiled machine with need for very few words to understand each other and Eddie thanks his lucky stars for the job that he has and the people that he gets to work with. 

***

“That structure’s too weak,” Bobby calls out but Buck is already running across and Eddie holds his breath until he’s reached the other side. 

“Goddammit, Buck!” Eddie yells, and then Buck slips and falls, knocking his elbow on the railing and Eddie winces in sympathy because that has got to hurt. 

“You’re an idiot,” Eddie later says affectionately as he sits down next to Buck in the back of the truck as Chimney checks the range of motion on his arm. 

“Calculated risk,” Buck says and the way he grins at Eddie just makes it impossible to stay mad at. 

“All good,” Chimney says after a few moments, with a pat on Buck’s shoulder. 

“See?” Buck beams at Eddie - and granted, his actions did save a person’s life, so he can’t really blame Buck for being a little bit smug. 

Eddie shakes his head and knocks his shoulder against Buck’s. “You’re still an idiot,” he says, but Buck just laughs. 

***

Eddie opens the door to find Buck standing there, two coffees and a hot chocolate in a cardboard tray in one hand and a bag that’s gone greasy on the bottom in the other. He wasn’t expecting him, but Buck is always a welcome guest in the house - if he can even be considered a guest at this point. 

“Breakfast of champions!” Buck says with a smile, then a curious look on his face as he views Eddie up and down. 

“Hah!” Eddie calls out, taking a step back to let Buck in. He wipes his paint-stained hands on his work clothes before gratefully taking the beverage that has ‘Eddie’ scribbled on it out of Buck’s hands. He glances at the one that has Christopher’s name on it - the i carefully dotted with a heart, which is something Buck must have asked the barista - and looks at Buck apologetically, “Chris isn’t here. He stayed over at my abuela's last night ‘cause I’m repainting my bedroom today. Sorry.” 

“Aww, okay,” Buck says, the hint of disappointment clear in his voice as he eyes Christopher’s drink, “Well, I won’t let his hot chocolate go to waste.” 

“Didn’t think you would,” Eddie says with a grin, taking a sip from his own hot coffee. Just the right amount of sugar and milk, with a hint of caramel, exactly the way he likes it. It feels like bliss on his tongue. 

“Repainting the bedroom, huh?” Buck asks as he puts down the greasy bag on the kitchen counter. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could help!” 

“I know, Buck,” Eddie says, “I just didn’t want to put you out.” 

“ _ Psssh _ ,” Buck says with a wave of his hand, before reaching in the bag and taking out a Danish that he offers to Eddie. 

“Thanks,” Eddie says, taking a bite out of the pastry - straight out of Buck’s hand - and groaning in delight. 

Buck looks down at his own attire. “Do you maybe have some spare clothes for me? Stuff that can get dirty?” 

“Buck,” Eddie starts, taking the Danish out of Buck’s hand. 

“Don’t  _ Buck  _ me,” Buck says, grabbing a cinnamon bun out of the bag for himself, “I come over here unannounced, the least I can do is help out.” 

“He says as if he didn’t just bring hot drinks and pastries,” Eddie rolls his eyes. 

“I can just go snoop in your closet but I’m scared of what kind of Diaz secrets I might find,” Bucky says with a laugh. Eddie kind of wants to make a joke about hiding in the closet but it might be a little too on the nose. 

“I’m not gonna get rid of you, am I?” Eddie chuckles, but the laughter dies on his lips as he sees Buck’s face fall at his comment. “Hey,” Eddie says, swinging an arm over Buck’s shoulder, “It was a joke. Come on, I’ll find you something to wear.” 

They make their way towards Eddie’s bedroom, where all the furniture has already been moved out or away from the walls and protected with plastic. 

“I mean, if my impressive shoulders will even fit in one of your shirts,” Buck says with a teasing smile. 

“Ooooh, it’s like that, is it?” Eddie drawls out as he searches for some old clothes, “You want me to bring out the measuring tape, Buckley?” 

“Careful,” Buck jokes, “You don’t even wanna know how my measurements will blow you out of the water.” 

Eddie bites the inside of his cheek not to say something embarrassingly obvious to Buck; instead he finds a pair of ratty old jeans and an oversized band shirt that he hasn’t worn in ages that he’s sure Buck will fit in. 

“Here,” Eddie says, pushing the clothes into Buck’s hands, “You know where the bathroom is.” 

Buck just snorts and he’s already dropping his pants to the floor with a smirk. 

“You’re shameless,” Eddie says, shaking his head as he turns away from Buck who clearly has no issue changing in front of Eddie. They do it at the firehouse all the time, so it’s not actually that big of a deal, it’s just that Eddie never really imagined Buck stripping down to his underwear in Eddie’s bedroom. Okay, that’s an obvious lie, but Eddie never expected  _ these _ to be the circumstances. 

Buck stows away his clean clothes in the hallway and eagerly accepts the paintbrush Eddie puts in his hand. 

“So these three walls will just be white,” Eddie points out, from the walls to the paint cans on the plastic covered floor. “And this one Riviera Azure.” 

“Blue,” Buck says, looking at the paint can. 

“Well, yeah, but…” Eddie shrugs. He didn’t choose the name either, he just liked the color. 

“ _ Riviera Azure _ it is!” Buck says, rolling his R’s exaggeratedly, putting on an accent Eddie suspects is meant to be Spanish. 

They start painting - or continue, in Eddie’s case - and by the time lunch comes around, they’ve only got one wall left to do. 

“See how fast you’re moving along with my help?” Buck asks, a smug look on his face when Eddie comments on their efficiency. “Now why didn’t you just ask me in the first place?” 

“ _ Because _ ,” Eddie stresses, taking his paint roller and tray down from the stepladder, “This is your day off too. I know that if I ask you, you’re just gonna drop everything and hurry on over here.” 

“Isn’t that what friends do?” Buck frowns. 

“Yes, but…” Eddie sighs, turning towards Buck, “If I ask, you’re gonna come. And maybe you don’t feel like helping everyone out all the time, especially on your day off?”

Buck’s frown deepens, like he genuinely can’t quite understand what Eddie is saying. 

“Like maybe you just wanna be a couch potato and watch tv and eat chips and not stand here painting my bedroom walls?” Eddie says pointedly. 

“I don’t mind,” Buck says easily, brushing his hand over his cheek, leaving a smear of white paint behind. It’s insanely adorable. 

“I know you don’t,” Eddie says, wiping his hands on his pants instead of trying to wipe the smudge off Buck’s face like he itches to do. “Come on, let me at least offer you lunch.” 

Buck gratefully accepts. 

***

“What are you doing?” Eddie asks as he comes up the stairs and sees Buck standing on his tiptoes on the edge of a chair, arms high above him to reach the light that’s hanging from the ceiling. 

“Hen mentioned the bulb had blown,” Buck says, trying to reach just a little bit higher, the chair wobbling under his feet. 

“And you chose the wonkiest chair to stand on to change it?” Eddie asks, equal parts annoyed and worried as he rushes over to steady the treacherous thing underneath Buck’s feet. “Besides, don’t we have maintenance people to do this?” 

“That’s what I told him,” Chimney says as he walks over, a new lightbulb in his hand. 

“And you didn’t stop him?” Eddie asks, some of the annoyance now directed at Chimney. “Or get him a step ladder? We’re at a firehouse for God’s sake, we have better material than this!” 

“Hey, my last name isn’t Diaz! It’s not like he ever listens to me?!” Chimney calls out indignant. 

Eddie isn’t entirely sure how to respond to that, so he doesn’t. Instead he tightens his grip on the chair as Chimney hands Buck the new bulb. He’s just about done changing out the two bulbs when he shuffles his foot just over the edge of the chair and loses his balance a bit. 

“Buck!” Eddie calls out, but all Buck does is jump down awkwardly, knocking his knee against the chair as he does. 

“Whoops,” Buck says with a grin on his face, rubbing his hands over his knee. 

“You okay?” Chimney asks, leaning into Buck. 

“Sure,” Buck answers, giving Chimney a warm smile. 

“You’re a menace to society,” Chimney says, but he smiles at Buck and squeezes his shoulder for good measure before he walks away and Buck beams. 

***

Eddie doesn’t breathe. He can’t breathe, not until he reaches Buck. Then his chest is heaving as he slides down next to him, eyes roaming over Buck’s body, from the cut on his forehead - how does someone even get a cut underneath their helmet? - that has blood trickling down his eyebrow to the beam that’s pressing down on his hip, effectively pinning him to the floor. 

“Buck!” Eddie yells out, taking off his glove to press his finger inside Buck’s collar, over his pulsepoint, but then Buck is groaning and tilting his head towards Eddie and Eddie thinks his heart might jump out of his chest. 

“‘ddie,” Buck mutters, his eyes on Eddie first, then taking in his surroundings quickly as he starts pushing himself up on his elbows only to be stopped by Eddie’s hands. 

“Don’t move,” Eddie says, maybe a little bit colder than he means to but he’s  _ angry,  _ dammit. Bobby told him to get out. Bobby  _ ordered _ him to abandon the search and Buck ran back further into the fire anyway. Because that is Buck, and when there is a chance that someone is still in danger, Buck will not stop until he saves him. Regardless of the cost. Eddie loves him for it, he really does, but he also hates him for it because Eddie was on the other side of the building and he could only listen over the radio as Buck’s comm went out and an explosion took down most of the side of the building Buck was in. 

“I’m okay,” Buck says, loud enough so Eddie can hear him over the crackling of the flames around them. 

“Shut up,” Eddie says, because Buck is  _ not _ okay and that means that Eddie isn’t okay either. 

“Eddie,” Buck says with a frown on his face and a hand clutching at Eddie’s arm. 

“Don’t,” Eddie says, avoiding Buck’s eyes as he inspects the beam that’s pinning Buck down. “Not now. Just…” He positions himself next to Buck’s body so he has the best grip on the girder. “Do you have some strength left?” he asks Buck, “Can you help me push?” 

“Yeah,” Buck says, suddenly more subdued than Eddie is used to and he puts his hands on the beam next to Eddie’s. 

“Okay, on three?” Eddie asks and Buck nods.”One, two…” 

They start pushing at the same time, Buck gritting his teeth as Eddie lets out a deep guttural sound but there’s movement in the damn thing and that’s all that matters. All of a sudden two extra sets of hands are pulling at the beam - Hen and Chimney - and Eddie could cry in relief as they lift the beam off of Buck’s hip entirely, freeing him. 

Chimney’s talking over the radio and Hen is fussing over Buck and then the flames get closer so the pace picks up and before Eddie knows it, they’re all outside with Bobby - who also starts fussing over Buck - and Buck is smiling widely at all the attention he’s receiving and Eddie thinks he’s going to be sick. 

He takes off his helmet, the air cold on his face - and maybe he has been crying? - as he walks away from his chosen family, focusing on taking steady breaths and not actually puking out of fear and frustration and the utter overwhelming of his own feelings. 

“Eddie?” Bobby’s voice is suddenly next to him, calm, concerned. 

“Yeah, Cap?” Eddie asks, putting on a brave face. 

“They’re gonna take him to the hospital just to be sure, but he’s going to be fine,” Bobby says reassuringly, “Just a few cuts and scrapes, probably.” 

“And a hell of a bruise from where the beam pressed on his hip,” Eddie says, clenching his jaw. 

“Nothing that won’t heal,” Bobby says, nodding. 

“Yeah…” Eddie breathes out. 

“You okay?” Bobby asks, tilting his head a little as he regards Eddie. 

“Yeah, just…” Eddie trails off. He isn’t entirely sure what to say or how to express what he’s feeling anyway, but Bobby kind of seems to get it anyway. 

“I know,” he says, placing a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. Then he looks back over at the ambulance Buck has been guided into, before asking Eddie, “Do you want to ride with him?” 

Eddie looks over at Buck. In the light of the ambulance he can see Buck’s smile directed at Hen, who’s wiping away the blood from his forehead. Eddie’s stomach twists in a knot of concern. His entire body is screaming for him to join Buck, to hold his hand, or to throw his arms around Buck’s shoulders. 

Instead, what he does is say, “no,” and turns away from the ambulance. 

***

It’s late and Christopher is long asleep, which is probably why Eddie’s phone is going off and not the doorbell. 

_ ‘Can you come open the front door?’  _ the message reads, and Eddie lets out a sigh before getting up off the couch and making his way towards the door. 

Buck is standing there, his hands shoved in the pockets of his pants, head ducked and eyes looking up at Eddie under his eyelashes. Eddie’s heart clenches. 

“Are you mad at me?” Buck asks, his voice barely a whisper. 

His shoulders are hunched, he’s probably a bit cold, and Eddie takes a step back and says, “Come in.” 

They’re quiet as they make their way towards the living room, knowing not to make too much noise in the hallway so as not to wake Christopher up. Eddie shuts the door with a soft click and turns to find Buck now hugging his own chest, looking at Eddie like a puppy dog that’s been beaten up. 

“ _ God _ , Buck,” Eddie sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. 

“You’re mad at me,” Buck states, his voice drooping with sadness. 

“I’m not,” Eddie says, but it comes out sharp anyway and he can see Buck flinch. “Okay, maybe I am a little bit,” Eddie admits, because he doesn’t like lying to Buck. “Bobby told you to come out, Buck. But you never listen.” 

“Bobby’s not mad,” Buck says, shaking his head. 

“Because he’s too relieved you’re okay to knock some sense into you!” Eddie counters. 

“And you’re not?” Buck asks, his face crestfallen. 

“I’m still too scared out of my mind to be relieved,” Eddie bites out, his eyes glued to the cut on Buck’s forehead because it’s the part of his injuries he can see. He doesn’t want to imagine the way Buck’s skin looks underneath his clothes, all black and blue. “You just throw yourself into danger, head first, with no regard for your own well-being.”

“I thought maybe someone was still in there,” Buck says, a little on the defense now. 

“There are protocols in place, Buck,” Eddie says, stern, “If you die trying to make an impossible save, you’re not around for the next person that needs you.” 

“It’s not like you need me around much anyway,” Buck mutters under his breath, but it’s loud enough to cut right through Eddie’s ears. 

“What?” Eddie breathes out, dumbfounded. 

“Nothing,” Buck says, deflated, ducking his head as if he’s embarrassed. 

“What are you - ?” Eddie asks, taking a step closer to Buck. “Buck, what are you talking about?” 

“I should go,” Buck says, looking around wildly, like he’s hit by a sudden realization. “You didn’t ask me to come over here. I’m just in the way - ” 

“You’re never in the way,” Eddie cuts him off, a frantic edge to his voice, “Why would you think that?” 

“Because you’re not…” Buck sighs, “You don’t need my help with stuff anymore. You keep brushing me off.” 

“Oh  _ God _ , Buck…” Eddie says, the pieces finally coming together in his head, “That’s not true, I just - I… You don’t know how to say no. You’re always at the ready for everyone around you, you never for a second think about yourself.”

“How is that a bad thing?” Buck asks, confused. 

“It’s not,” Eddie says, putting his hands on Buck’s shoulders, squeezing, “But Buck,  _ I _ think about you.” 

Buck’s eyes snap up to meet Eddie’s. 

“I wanted you to have some time for yourself once in a while,” Eddie goes on, “I don’t want you to always selflessly jump into everything for everyone. You have no idea how much you do for everyone around you, and how much we’re at risk of taking it for granted. It’s not fair on you.”

“I don’t mind,” Buck says, a little bit lost in thought, “I mean, how else - ?” He cuts himself off abruptly. Eddie can see him bite the inside of his cheek nervously.

“How else what?” Eddie asks, his voice a whisper. 

Buck shakes his head, his lips pursed together but forming a smile that is trying to cover up so much. “Nothing.” He shakes off Eddie’s hand that is still resting on his shoulder and lets out a laugh. Eddie can see the gears in his head turning, trying to come up with something to say that will change the subject, will lighten the mood. But Eddie is having none of it. This is too important. 

“How else  _ what _ , Buck?” he asks again, his hand reaching out, fingers closing around Buck’s wrist to stop him from walking away. 

Buck avoids Eddie’s eyes, looking a little bit lost. 

“How else… are you gonna show people you love them?” Eddie asks with a frown, taking a calculated guess. 

Buck clenches his jaw, his eyes fixed on a spot somewhere on Eddie’s chest so he doesn’t have to look Eddie in the eyes. That’s not quite the answer, Eddie realizes. He calls out Buck’s name, softly, encouragingly. 

“How else am I gonna get people to love me,” Buck says, his voice slightly trembling and barely audible. 

Eddie’s fingers tighten reflexively around Buck’s skin as his chest feels constricted. His stomach squeezes together in a knot, the words get stuck in his throat. Then his body moves with a jolt, tugging Buck closer to him and throwing his arms around Buck’s shoulders, pressing his face into Buck’s neck. He holds on tightly, fingertips pressing into Buck’s shirt so firmly it almost hurts. But it still doesn’t hurt as much as Buck’s words. There’s a shiver going through their bodies and Eddie doesn’t know where it started, with him or with Buck. 

He whispers Buck’s name into his neck, his lips brushing against the warm skin. Buck’s chest spasms against Eddie’s, and Eddie thinks it might be a sob that’s being released. 

“Buck,” Eddie says again, pulling away slightly even though he really doesn’t want to. He slides his hands over Buck’s shoulders, until he can cup Buck’s face between them. They’re still standing close, but Eddie can look into Buck’s eyes now, bright and wet. 

“People love you because of who you are,” Eddie starts, but Buck immediately starts to shake his head, as much as he can within Eddie’s hold. “No, listen to me,” Eddie says softly, because he needs to make Buck understand, “Being a caring and giving person is part of who you are, that’s undeniable. But it’s not the only reason people care about you, Buck. I swear to you, it’s not. You are so much more. You’re funny and positive and quirky and beautiful inside and out. You’re a  _ good  _ person with a genuinely good heart and you’re still that same good person, even if you don’t constantly give up your time and your energy for everyone else.” 

Eddie takes a shaky breath, his thumb brushing over Buck’s cheek, gingerly wiping away a tear. 

“You’re allowed to take time for yourself,” Eddie whispers, a little bit choked up himself, “You’re allowed to say no to people, without it meaning that people will suddenly stop loving you. God Buck, you’re even allowed to be an asshole from time to time, to be annoying or make mistakes. We will still love you. You don’t have to be perfect for us to love you, we still will. I can be angry at you and still want you in my life, still - ” 

Eddie swallows away the lump in his throat, suddenly painfully aware that he went from ‘we’ to ‘I’ in the blink of an eye, but he has no regrets. “I will still love you,” he says, slow, deliberate. 

Buck closes his eyes, another tear rolling down his cheek as he sniffs. It’s only now that Eddie realizes that Buck’s hands are gripping his shirt, at his side. They’re standing unbearably close and all Eddie wants to do is move forward. 

“Do you mean that?” Buck asks, so sincere that Eddie wants to scream. How can he still have any doubts? “Or is that just because I got hurt?” 

Eddie looks at Buck, dumbfounded, as another piece of the puzzle clicks. 

“Is that why you - ?” Eddie asks, shaking his head a little bit. It all makes sense. “When you get hurt, people fuss over you…” 

Buck’s eyes are still watery, his Adam’s apple bops as he shrugs awkwardly. 

“Buck…” Eddie says, his thumb rubbing gentle circles on Buck’s jaw, “I will tell you every day, I will show you every day. Just please…” 

“No more reckless stuff?” Buck fills in for him. 

“I don’t want to lose you,” Eddie says, his hand coming up to brush over Buck’s forehead - careful of the cut - stroking back his hair. 

“You won’t,” Buck says with conviction. 

“And you won’t lose me either,” Eddie confirms, “Not when you say no when I ask you for a favor, or when we get into a stupid fight, or when you just want to do something for yourself for once.” 

“You will still love me,” Buck says, his fingers uncurling from the fabric of Eddie’s shirt to splay over his sides.

“Unconditionally,” Eddie says, the word coming out so easily because it’s the truth. 

He realizes that Buck hasn’t said it back, but it doesn’t matter, because Eddie can feel with every fiber of his being that Buck loves him, he always has. And that feeling is only confirmed once more, etchedin stone, as Buck’s eyes flicker from Eddie’s to his mouth, and then Buck’s lips are on his, careful and soft. The kiss is unassuming, yet Eddie knows exactly the weight that is behind it, the meaning that it holds. 

Buck’s lips are hesitant, but fill Eddie’s body with warmth. Eddie’s eyes are closed, his one hand still cupping Buck’s face, the other snaking around Buck’s back, holding him close as he breathes in everything Buck. There’s a noise, a tiny whimper that escapes Buck’s lips, that reverberates onto Eddie’s and it’s enough for Eddie to part his lips slightly, to suck Buck’s bottom lip between his and to actually get a taste of everything he’s ever wanted. 

Eddie doesn’t really know how long they kiss for, all he knows is that he has Buck in his arms and he is safe and he is loved. It’s what he whispers into Buck’s skin when their lips finally break, only to nuzzle into warm skin, holding each other tightly. “I love you.” 

Eddie knows that there will be times where Buck won’t believe him. That all of his issues won’t be miraculously solved by one kiss. But there is one thing that Eddie is absolutely sure of, and that is that he will keep his promise and he will show Buck every day. He will tell Buck every day. Until Buck won’t have a doubt in his mind. 

And the next day, he will do it all over again. 

***

_ Fin _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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